I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
