I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize