ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
