turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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