As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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