I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
