i need an iv and a liver transplant
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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