I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
