I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He shit in the fireplace
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
