chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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