Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
