yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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