I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
