Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
