have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
