Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
