last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize