I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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