just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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