3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
