My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Text me some of your sweat
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
