At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
