Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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