at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I think i got beer on your cat.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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