I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
