you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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