my phone needs a breathalizer
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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