I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
