In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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