ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
