So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Randomize
