it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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