Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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