and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize