i think my tv is drunk
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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