sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
