i already hear my dad disowning me
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
