I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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