my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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