What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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