i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize