i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Four minutes until I can fart!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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