smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
