I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I AM VODKA MAN
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
