I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
