broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
