i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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