Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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