I need to stop coming to work sober
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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