dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
this beer tastes like vomit already
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
