I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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