I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
