Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
