That's intense
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
