should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
