Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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