im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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