I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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