bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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