Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
