about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
