I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
