Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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