my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
do herpes really smell.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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