take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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