She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
