I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
