she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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