if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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