Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
